It’s the Tube strike drinking game!

So, I’m going to arrive home on Wednesday to a scene of utter catastrophe, a ruined capital city where nothing works and nothing’s getting done.

Or, to put it another way, Bob Crow’s swinging the lead again by “holding Londoners to ransom”. Or fighting for his members’ rights by calling a Tube strike. Whatever, the way it gets reported, you’d think angry, rabid tigers had been deliberately released onto the capital’s streets, causing destruction wherever they roamed.

If I were you, I’d “work from home”, crack open the drinks, and play a little drinking game. With apologies to The Guardian’s peerless daily football e-mail, The Fiver, it may be the only way to get through a day of lazy and cliched coverage of one of the capital’s perennial pains in the backside…

– BBC London says the strike is causing “chaos” (a finger of rum)

– Evening Standard refers to “Tube strike hell” (two fingers of rum)

– Evening Standard calls it “misery” (three fingers of rum)

– Footage of Boris Johnson on a bike with other commuters (trebles all round)

– Footage of Boris Johnson falling off his bike (another round of trebles, chaps!)

– Someone calls the RMT “dinosaurs” (a litre of White Lightning)

– “Why are they so well paid anyway? All they do is drive trains!” (a bottle of Meantime Brewery’s Union beer)

– Tory council leader demands congestion charge is suspended (glass of Harveys Bristol Cream)

– Ken Livingstone offers “advice” to Boris on TV (bottle of brown ale)

– At breakfast time, BBC London goes “straight to the Scotland Yard cameras”, as if anyone with a brain will go by car. (triple gin)

– National broadcast media dwell on strike like it’s the most important thing in the country. (a tot of brandy)

– Uppity Scotsman sends a text message to BBC 5 Live Breakfast to say he doesn’t care about the Tube strike. (pour a pint of McEwans Export over radio)

– Phone caller to radio station upset at having to walk two miles. (small glass of absinthe)

– Bob Crow complains about “bullying”, demonstrating slight lack of self-awareness. (A Watney’s Party 7)

– Commuter gets fined for trying to use Oyster pre-pay on mainline rail, despite TfL pledge that it’ll be allowed. (three fingers of Bacardi)

– Smug south-east London blog writer pens hilarious post disparaging Hammersmith for “not really being London anyway, it hasn’t got a mainline rail station, how are we meant to get there?” (a pint of Guinness and a bag of dry roasted)

– Footage of Tube trains in depot. (two fingers from the slops in your local pub)

– Footage of shapely woman on roller-skates. (a whole flask of weak lemon drink)

– Footage of queues for bendy buses at Victoria Station. (a shot of Baileys)

– Boris Johnson reaffirms commitment to scrap bendy buses. (large glass of cheap white wine)

– Footage of Bob Crow in Wembley Stadium for England match. (two fingers of scotch)

– Vox-pops with England fans on Olympic Way (can of Stella).

– 33,796 England fans sing “Bob Crow, is a wanker, is a wanker” live on ITV1 (case of Stella, followed by 18, 453 and 53 buses home)

– The whole charade happens again next month/ next year. (a pint of Domestos on the rocks)

– London news media properly investigate why industrial relations on Tube are so bad. (a shot of… hang on, that’s just taking the piss)


  1. Lol. 😛

    Boris is a moron. If you really think about it, whilst under ex-MD’s Tim O’ Toole’s reign, we never really had a full-on Tube strikes. Various small groups of RMT members and threatened to go on strike (and if I recall correctly, there was a small strike amongst Metronet members of the RMT in 2007 that didn’t really do much), but very little of the threats ever materialised.

    [part of comment deleted at author’s request – Darryl853]

    Us Tube workers are pissed. Pay deals and all that aside (RMT always ask for ridiculous stuff because they know they can’t get it – sort of like haggling), there’s so much other shite floating around that the media portrays wrongly or doesn’t know about. Each individual who chooses to go on strike does so for their own reasons, and it might not always be what the strike is advertised for – some people are still pissed off about the PPP you know. Don’t even get me started on that one…

    Anyway, rant over.

    I find it ironic however that the Northern Line managed to run a ‘Good Service’ from last night up until around now. I find it even more ironic that the Jubilee Line is still running and with ‘Minor Delays’. Recently, it’s been a bit shite because of all the new stuff they keep putting in over the weekends (ohhh – and don’t even get me started on that!)

  2. Following all of this from Toronto.
    Excellent blog entry – Hilarious stuff.

    Drinks all’round.

  3. You Tube workers are pissed, 3.1? Heavens, which point of the drinking game are you at?

    Funny how people seem to have forgotten whose fault the PPP is. Commuters could have some real clout if they stopped whining and took positive action.

    MON DIEU! Just clocked the page views for this – cheered me up on a long wait in crappy Brussels Midi station for a Eurostar back to London, from where I am going to fight my way to Wembley for the England match. Heh, welcome if you have arrived from the Graun and thanks for the link, Kings Place people…

  4. Excellent! Whilst browsing all of this Tube Strike stuff (as much as anything to find out if I have to go in tomorrow or not) its nice to finally find something on the interwebs that isn’t negative! Well not a union-bashing, we-don’t-need-staff-anyway kind of negative.

    This morning I picketed. I was being kind, cos I’m a nice guy, I love the job I do, so I was telling people get back in your cars there are no trains. Some guy goes “of course there are there are Chilterns!”

    I advised him, “no, there are no trains.” so he asked me gruffly, “why not!?” When I explained it was because there are no staff, he told me how ridiculous I was, and you don’t need staff to run trains….

    Asides from that being a little silly (maybe he just didn’t think before he spoke, it was before 7am), you’d think the fact there are no staff… and no trains would suggest his assessment was wrong!

  5. 3.1, you’re not doing yourself or your colleagues any favours here. You really reckon some people are striking about PPP? Um, sorry, stable door, horse bolted. Striking because you’re naffed off about a stupid decision taken several years ago isn’t going to win you any sympathy votes. And “alleged” recession? Where have you been while the rest of us have been facing pay cuts, salary freezes and mass redundancies for at least the past year? Idiot though he may be usually, for once, I’m with Boris.

  6. Well bumbling Boris the baffoon has really done it this time. I wonder if he had just finished playing the drinking game when he stuck his clown feet into the negotiations and scuppered the deal.
    He should never have left have I got news for you. At least we could chuckle at his stupid floppy hair and smile at his blubbering comments.
    You stupid Londoners voted him in, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT??
    Not laughing now eh ! Vote Bob Crow for the next London Mayor he will certainly sort the tube out.
    “WORLD CLASS TUBE”???? My arse
    Power to the people and all that.
    By the way how do I get out? push pull? stupid gate..
    OMG where are the station staff when I need them.

  7. But alas – where’s the Pimm’s O’clock?!

    Seems a long time since I was catching the Eurostar from Brussels. Took forever to get back because of the go-slow through the Channel Tunnel.

  8. Bring back the Angus Deayton days of HIGNFY! 😛

    AverageCommuter – You’d be surprised.

    AmAshamed – There’s the thing. People voted him in yet they weren’t prepared to deal with the consequences of doing so. Now that it’s all fallen flat on their faces, nobody is prepared to take the blame.

    Londoners forgot their place. It’s the same with when the bombings happened – one day it’s praise for all Tube workers, next day it’s all back to normal with the fare dodging, assaults, abuse and one-unders.

    Look how helpless and ignorant people are now they can’t get home. I was watching ITV earlier and there was some stupid mare on the TV whinging (and I paraphrase, because I couldn’t believe how thick she was making herself look): ‘I have to get two buses and I don’t know what buses they are…’

    FFS – the strike was advertised for WEEKS. She had plenty of time to prepare. And the fact she doesn’t know what buses to get… WHY DIDN’T SHE BOTHER LOOKING? Does the rest of London’s commuters need this much spoon-feeding when something happens to disrupt their journey to/from work?

    And Darryl – I still demand you amend your game to include Pimm’s, otherwise this strike will continue. For the sake of London, do it man! 😛

  9. 3.1, several people this morning demanded to know why “no-one has told us about this”. What can you do? Chiltern Railways managed to tip a train out on Amersham platform at 06.27. Amersham station was closed, unmanned, and had locked doors.

    What a messed up world. Overgrown boys who kick a ball around a field get hundreds of thousands for 90 mins of playtime. Politicians get thousands to make new lies to tell the people. Musicians get thousands for doing what we all dream about doing. Mechanics charge hundreds to change your oil, then don’t do it. No-one bats an eyelid.

    Someone has the audacity to ask for a payrise after enduring a company propagandathon (which I found interesting at the time!) which told us all how we were way ahead of target. Taking 4million passengers a day years before they’d hoped we would. 4 million people who’s fares go up every year… doesn’t seem unreasonable for us to ask for a slice of the pie that we made for them.

  10. Ash – everybody is quite happy to live in their bubbles of ignorance. That’s until of course the sharp end of the strike snaps them out of it. I’m actually quite surprised Chiltern Railways weren’t so on the ball this morning.

    An apt comment. And let’s not forget that London Underground didn’t cause the recession. Anybody – not just Tube workers – has a right to demand pay in relevance to current times. It’s a matter of solidarity, and we’re lucky there are still people out there who’ll go all out. I’m not in the RMT, but RMT appealed to my union to take part, and I would’ve done regardless. At the end of the day, will you be prepared to hand the money back if you didn’t fight for it?

    Don’t forget though – whilst the PPP still stands, a significant portion of the cost of the single journey still pays for that, not to mention the billions it has milked from the public purse. And if we are in a recession, why is it so easy to approve and fund projects (like Crossrail) that cost so much more? That’s just going to be another money pit that wont materialise in time.

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